Well a few months have passed since my last post and its been a bit of a roller coaster ride. The good news is that the cravings are now few and far between, I can just about now watch an episode of Narcos on Netflix without reaching for my phone and calling my dealer. As silly as that sounds, it was always the little reminders previously that would set me off. I’m still avoiding my old haunts, and those friend circles I use to mix in as I know that if I didn’t, sooner or later the temptation would be there.
And on the fitness front? Well things continue to go well. I’ve joined a couple of cycling clubs and competed in my first race in 5 years. I didn’t win, to be honest I didn’t get close to winning. But as corny as it sounds, just taking part was a bit of a victory given what I’d put my body through. I’ve even bought myself a new bike…its remarkable how rich I feel all of a sudden now that I’m not spunking my entire salary on legal highs and class As.
Less positive is that my anxiety, which for years I struggled with before my addiction, has resurfaced as badly as ever. I’m not going to blame that one on the drugs, as its something I’ve grown up with. But it does play a part, I fret over the damage I’ve done to my health, the overwhelming sense of regret over the stupidity of my actions, and the sense of shame I feel about the whole sorry episode. That said, I’ve taken the positive step of booking in an appointment with a psychiatrist to tackle some of these issues face on, something I should have done a long time ago.
Despite that I remain massively positive. No matter what happens in the future I console myself with the fact that if I hadn’t got clean things would have been far worse. And that’s what I try to remember everytime I experience a craving.
the addicted cyclist 