Well the good news is that i don’t miss drugs, in fact i find myself in a position where the sense of regret I have is far greater than the pull of the high I got from them. One of the questions I ask myself regularly is if I’ll ever truely forgive myself for going down that path…and honestly I dont know if I will. the sense of regret is immense and I genuinely struggle with it every day
What I do know isn’t going away any time soon is the crippling paranoia and anxiety that i’ve been left with. Forefront in my mind is you don’t do as much shit as I did without some kind of payback further down the line, and by payback I mean my body must have taken an absolute beating …. enlarged hearts, atherosclerosis, bladder cancer……i cant help but think that the cost of addiction may end up being far greater than the tens of thousands of pounds worth of gear i hoovered up my nose..
the addicted cyclist 